The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
“Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded.
“Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s Â£50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”
Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
“Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You’ve no knickers. Why not?”
She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.”
He reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s Â£20.
Go and buy yourself some underwear!”
Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
“Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?”
She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.”
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, “Well, fer the love ‘o Jasus, ‘n the sake of decency, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit.”
I can see it now â€œLocal Angler Dies in FREAK wader accidentâ€ and underneath â€œpossibly a sex maniacâ€
I am stressed out writing an essay that is due in shortly. So before I start for the day I am procrastinating rather heavily. I wanted to try on my new waders again as I am still not convinced that they fit me. Anyway, we do not have a proper mirror in the flat; all we have is a door with a mirror on it from an old wardrobe. I took it through to my lounge and placed it on top of the radiator. It is very tall and heavy. I put on my waders and boots, my waistcoat and then my chest pack. I was procrastinating OK!!!
It was at around the time that I was thinking of getting my rod out and swishing it around the room when the mirror fell on top of my head. I fell to the ground and just lay there stunned for a few minutes. I could imagine the scene, Claire crying, the police trying to draw a chalk outline around my body with my foot long silver rod case sticking out. â€œSo, you say that he just LIKED wearing waders around the house?â€
The tabloids would have had a field day, and lets not forget the jokes at the funeral. â€œOh at least he died doing something he loved â€¦â€¦kind of!!â€
Thank God I wasnt eating an orange at the time thats all I can say !!!
Nothing beats a hot water bottle or two..
There is something special about a hot water bottle when it is absolutley freezing outside, something that is not captured by an electric blanket. Electric blankets are just plain boring, switch them on switch them off….I am still paranoid after my Granny told me that if you sweat too much it will electrocute you during the night…..while you sleep.
So I have a nice safe hottie bottle. It can be moved around to areas that need it most…all around your feet , up your legs…on your chest. It also combats the excruciating agony of having my partners icy cold feet (like her heart) rubbing up and down my legs “oooOOOOhhhhh but yooooooooor so HOT”
So I bought two Hotties!!
Here is a book about the Kelvin
The book is the first full-length account of the Kelvin.
From its source near Kilsyth to its confluence with the Clyde, the Kelvin is a river of startling contrasts. From meandering stream to the dramatic and picturesque river at the heart of Glasgow. This superb book tells the fascinating story of the river and its main tributaries-the Glazert, the Luggie and the Allander. It also looks in detail at the thriving and attractive communities along its banks: from Kirkintilloch to Kelvingrove, Kilsyth to Kelvinside, and Milngavie to Maryhill. Famous people abound:Charles Rennie Mackintosh, the Red Comyn, Thomas Muir, Lord Lister and, of course,Lord Kelvin.The sweep of the book is impressive and it encompasses the widest possible range of subjects from history to architecture, geography to literature, and archaeology to ecology.
It would be nice to get it for my christmas…….here it is in my Amazon wish list if there is any members of my family wondering what to buy me. Or anyone else for that matter.
I met a guy this year that had just started to fish the fly. I watched him for a while drifting a wet fly down and across a little pool I enjoy. I was upstream a bit concentrating on a tiny wee riffle. I walked down for a natter. He was saying that pretty much the only way he knew hoe to fly fish was the down and across style and seemed pretty embarrassed about it. I thought it was a fine way to start out, jeepers that was the way I spent my first couple of seasons catching trout on the river. It was only after reading lots of magazines and books and getting advice from people on the net that I started experimenting with other ways. I would then concentrate on that for a few weeks……like only ever fishing upstream wet….until I had caught a few fish. Then moving on to trying dry and so forth. Although I seem to have got stuck in that phase! Anyway, it was a pretty much chuck it and chance it affair as I was learning as i went along ,the rewards to you of figuring things like that out by yourself are pretty self evident.
Anyway, I told him it was a good time as every time you went fishing you learnt something new about where fish lived and how to catch them. I took him up to a little riffle that I was fishing and showed him where fish would be sitting…..he didnâ€™t believe me. I caught three little brownies out of that little spot in front of him, then gave him my fly.
One of the amazing things about the net is that anyone can put anything on it. As long as itâ€™s the truth or in your own opinion then who can stop you. The other good thing is that because of the way in which Google ranks pages eventually this page will come high on the results whenever someone searches for AXA home insurance. My advice to you is to steer well clear of them. Essentially my friend dropped his computer down the stairs….purely by accident…he was moving it from upstairs to downstairs as he has essays due in a couple of weeks and it means that he can work on them when she is in bed. He phoned me and I advised him to phone his insurers>>>>> AXA insurance
They have treated him like some kind of criminal…..wanting him to go into meticulous detail how it happened, and going over it a few times to try and catch him out on any discrepancies. They then wanted him to take the comp to an independent pc shop to get a quote of them to find out how much it would cost to fix as well as to validate his story Now my friend has never once in all the years he has had insurance made a claim….when he complained about all this he was sent from pillar to post with them changing their minds about what was to happen (in fact he was not allowed to make a complaint he had to put his wife on the phone to authorise him to make a complaintâ€¦.bloody nonsense!!)
Anyway, in the end up he has got to stump up50 pounds to get a quote to fix it and to validate his claim and then another 50 pounds excess for the insurance company. PLUS they treat you like a criminal
You might be sitting their thinking this is all normal but I donâ€™t think so. I think that if you are a damn good customer who has made no claims they should turn around and say â€œno problem you can have a new computer on Mondayâ€ Pathetic service!! I was talking about it to another friend who had made a claim when paint went down the back of his telly……….what happened to him?? new telly monday morning.
AXA insurance = utter pants
This looks like a good book. I was looking at some of the Gariach books and came across one by his fishing buddy AK Best.
Subtitled A collection of ideas, notions, hints, and variations on the techniques of fly tying
You can buy it by clicking this link from Amazon….. Production Fly Tying
It started off as a Pike fishing trip to the Kelvin. We were supposed to be going to the river to scout out places to spin for Pike, then at a later date to deadbait for Pike. Then when we had actually worked out where the Pike hung out ……fly fish for them. As it is like the couple of proper duffers we are we couldnt find a parking space so ended up at the canal at Kirkintiloch…or there abouts.
And a lovely day it was as well, crisp,cold and sunny . Pretty rubbish for Pike if the truth be told……I am not a big Pike expert, it seems to be a very much a chuck it and chance it affair……anyways it was a bloody waste of time….I could have walked 10 mins out my door and got better action at the stretch of the canal near me.
I also have the infamous…”firhill basin” close by…
….where many a person says…”aye…big pike caught…up at the basin….big as yer leg mate”. Possibly I will head up for a shot early morning!!
On the way back home I remmembered something from my youth. There is a hiden lochan behind some flats close to where I grew up. I thought I would drop in for a gander to see if there was any fish in it……ignoring all the “private residents only” signs we parked the car in the wrong place and tramped in the rough direction of where it was. ….Couldnt find it anywhere and then then we nearly fell in the damn thing..
Its quite big, deep, with no way you could make a cast…there is weeds all round it…..well not weeds….rushes….those things…tall spikey things…I cannae mind what they are called. Anyway…hopeless!!
On the way back to the car there was an elderly lady getting out her car. We slinked towards the car and she started calling to us….”there is NO through road here” She must have mistook us for a couple of miscreants. We went over and I explained in my best voice that we had just wanted to look at the loch, she started to go on about the car park being for residents only (its awfull posh) we apologised profusely and with another stern warning we slinked off.
Any bets she was chairman of the local Neighbourhood watch scheme……probably away to log our visit……awwww bless her!!!