Hiya – it is Monday and a bank holiday – if you are lucky enough to be off work then no doubt you will be going fishing – I am not lucky enough – I am just getting ready to leave.

It seems that people do not want to fish as it has not been raining in a while – it seems like just yesterday you could not fish because there was too much water so some people are never happy.

However most anglers are still out fishing rivers and enjoying it – ready to change their technique to the situation when the conditions come together.

And that is the key – the conditions have got to be right – the right temp (air and water), the right light, flies on the water – the usual stuff.

Conditions = not right

Last week I had a session with Atkins on the Kelvin – I fancied somewhere different on the river and he wanted to scope out spots for Salmon.

What we did not reckon on was interrupting a chap receiving some oral sex  – in the distance it looked like the chap was patting a dog – as we got closer she must have said enough is enough and sat down – poor girl did not even have enough time to rearrange her clothes. She did not exactly look happy when the guy proceeded to chat to us about fishing for 15 minutes  – regaling us with stories of tench on the canal – he had his priorities right that boy.

It seems that everyone is at it on the banks of the Kelvin at the moment – someone was saying in the Kelvin Forum that they were quite happily fishing away when two girls came down to the river bank armed with a camera – one then proceeded to strip off totally starker while the other one took pictures of her.

Anglers are also regularly propositioned by gay guys down by the river bank.

None of this behaviour surprises me – kitted out in waders, waistcoat, fishing hats,  sunglasses and carrying fly rods  I know anglers are  like sex magnets – when we are fishing at the river our only focus is on fishing and absolutely no hanky panky – I am also happily married which makes me doubly unavailable – anyway it is no wonder considering how much sex appeal we all give off that people strip off and want to have sex near us – we are like the equivalent of a honeymoon suite by the river.

If you go down to the woods today...

Anyway – we caught nothing that evening and did not get propositioned. We are pretty sure we spotted a Salmon lazily being spooked and I wanted to move some huge rocks into the river to create riffles.

Next trip out will probably be for Pike – anyone else been fishing?