Outraged in Kirkintilloch

Someone who I will call Mr. Outraged made a complaint on the official Kelvin Facebook page the other day and I thought I would share it with you as quite frankly it made me splutter over my coffee that someone had the audacity to not share my views on the internet roll my eyes that time is spent on stuff like this.

Mr. Outraged said:

I took a walk down to the river kelvin at the Kirkintilloch side of the kelvin. I was thinking of renewing my membership again.but Deside not to after I have seen the state of the river banks.which has no access to 97 percent of the river.what is the association doing about this. As for the rubbish in the river. I can only think that the persons responsible is not doing their job atoll. as the Kirkintilloch side of the river is very much a disgraced  to the members of this area [sic]

Paul always responds nicely to folk with his usual well-reasoned and thought out replies as he thinks everyone is like him ie. normal.  However as usual Outraged got my goat right up for a couple or four reasons:

  1. Someone is complaining about a wild river with bushes for goodness sake, access is pretty shit  but is perfectly doable with a bit of effort.
  2. The association does do stuff about this, however nobody ever turns up at work parties. I am guilty of this as well however I have three kids and a wife to contend with.
  3. Who is responsible for rubbish in the river? The person that put it there of course! The insinuation is that it is me or the other guys that freely give up their time.
  4. I know lots of people that fish that stretch and love it.
Paul was doing better...

Not that bad! You can fish it if you get in it!

Anyway, I replied like a smart arse:

Bushes ! That’s what you get in the country !

And then followed up with

If you live around Kirkintilloch maybe you can tell your neighbours not to dump rubbish in the river as I can only assume they are the ones responsible. It would take a few people a couple of weeks with a bush cutter to clear a lot of it! If you have a few mates get stuck in as that is what everyone else does ! If you don’t like proper wild fishing you could always try the vet school or even carbeth which even has a chap that makes you a cup of tea!

This did not go down well…

Hi Alastair.I would like to say that I am out raged with a response like that.and don’t no if you are a part of the committee or not.all I would say I hope you are not.because if you are I pity you’re members.all I was putting across is when I was inquiring about being a member to my local fishing club.but with your comment which I received from you I wouldn’t think of purchasing a season ticket from the river kelvin fishing association.but I can ashore you one thing I will be taking this mater further. and I hope you’re members will get involved to see what they say about this post . [sic]

He spelt my bloody name wrong, all he had to do was copy the damn thing down from my reply. This did not get on my goat but made me smile wryly for a few reasons

  1. He would rather be outraged by my reply than reply to Pauls well thought out and reasoned response.
  2. Is he a member or not? I have no idea!
  3. I do not think he ever intended to pay for a permit, just wanted a moan about some bushes.
  4. Taking it further? The internet police will be buzzing about any second……….now!

Anyway, I said..

Are you a member or not? You originally said that you were not going to renew your permit and now you are saying you would not purchase one in the first place? What else is on the agenda to complain about ? puddles when it rains perhaps ? I am just saying that rivers have a lot of foliage around them and their happens to be a few km’s worth up in Kirki! Last time I checked the river flows downstream to Glasgow so I reckon the rubbish is not from their. Please do take the matter further I am sure the river police will be beating a hasty track to my front door, that is if they can find it behind those pesky bushes….

If you are wondering how this was supposed to go Paul’s initial response was:

We organised volunteer session John. Very few people turned up. There is an ongoing issue with invasive species making access difficult in the upper regions. We are currently working on a strategy to tackle the problem. The next volunteer session will be advertised on this page very soon. Can I count on you to come along and help? Try to remember that the association is run by volunteers who have families and jobs. As much as I would love to work in the river full time, I cannot afford to give up my job.

This is like the only one with me in it! plus it was taken up at Kirki

Mr Outraged could have replied:

Oh, that is good you have a plan in place and good work on the work parties. I have looked back through facebook and found lots of pictures of the good work that you have done, well done you chaps. At the next work party I shall come along and offer my services as I so do care about the state of the river. Even though I am getting on a bit I can still pick up some litter etc or hold the sandwiches. Money well spent that is, incidentally Alistair looks pretty sexy in waders and a baseball cap. Good job there are no ladies at the AGM.

It could have gone something like that anyway.

But it didn’t did it!


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  1. Richard · September 8, 2015

    I’ve looked at the river from up stream of kirky down to Torrance there’s some lovely sections to fish admittedly whilst stood up to ur nuts in water , as far as the rubbish goes it’s a crying shame to see all the shite people dump in the river which really does tend to be localized around kirkintilloch, I’ve seen that upstream of Torrance most of the wee trees have been removed , making access a lil easier but I doubt the guy bitching about the river looks any further then the end of his nose

  2. Alistair · September 8, 2015

    A lot of the river looks deep up their but once you get in it is actually only a couple of feet with some big holes spread around. You can wade it all pretty easy. The hardest part I always find is climbing over the barbed wire fence which is a bloody nightmare which we can do nothing about. What some people want is just a bit cleared so they can set line, I am not saying that is what this guy wants but I always wonder about people wanting better access!

  3. Chuck · September 8, 2015

    Yea Alistair, why aren’t you down there every free second you have to clean up the shite that someone else dumped in that shite river! And another thing,! The next time I come and visit your shite river I expect to be carried down and into the stream on a comfortable chair. Maybe have someone tie my fly on and net the fish after I catch one. 😉

    Actually, I’d say the Kelvin is cleaner then some of our local ones. When I fished there a few summers ago at least I didn’t see any dead floating mammals.

  4. Richard · September 8, 2015

    I’ve actually pulled a few fixed lines that I’ve bumped into as I’ve been looking around , I removed em of course and ensure they couldn’t be used again , as you say the river ain’t that deep till you find one of the holes and you got from knee to waist deep rather rapidly , the only thing I find a real pain in the arse along that bit of the river is the balsam and of course the barbed wire on the majority of the fencing , I’ve gained quite a collection of Mepps spinners which people have left Hung in branches with more that. A few yards of mono still attached to em, I think they’ll come in handy next time I go spinning for perch

  5. rc47 · September 8, 2015

    I think Mr.Outraged could spend his time better taking spelling lessons.His grip of the English language is absolutely atroshus 🙂