Givin’ it a lick, ye see…

Someone asked me to elaborate on the conversation I had with the farmer regarding the cows drooling on my car.

I am not a big fan of cows; I don’t trust anything which looks as if it could trample you to death. Sure, I am told they are docile but I don’t want to be that statistic that gets squashed. I suppose fishing and cows go hand in hand, eventually you are going to have to walk through a field with lots of cows and in the last year I have began to have an uneasy truce with them. I still let other people go into fields first though.

Anyway, I was sitting in my car at around 4 pm and watched the farmer herd his cows across a field towards a gate – the cows then go through the gate, cross a road and down a narrow lane (where my car is parked) next to his house to get to the cow sheds for milking. I decided just to wait in my car as I did not want to rush getting my waders on – in fact I was absolutely shattered and I couldn’t be bothered.

I watched the cows crossing the road and they did come very close to my car (I drive an Audi A3) occasionally they would stop and peer in my window at me quizzically and I would notice one having an experimental lick of the bonnet – I was a bit panicky in case one of them knocked a wing mirror off but they managed to keep their distance. There was a good few dozen of them so it took several minutes for them all to be herded past. It was actually quite interesting being so close to their big bovine faces without them or me scarpering fast – they have nice big eyes I noticed for the first time.

The farmer stopped on his little quad bike and gave me a wink and looked at me expectantly – I could tell he wanted to talk. I wondered if he was getting annoyed at me parking my car in his driveway, I rolled down the window.

Hiya – I said

Aye Aye – he said with a deadpan straight face – was meaning tae talk to ye aboot the coos!

Oh, ah yes? – Not really understanding what he was going to say.

Aye, their no going tae hurt yur car, although…- he paused for a moment obviously searching for the right words.

Oh, ah yes? I said helping him along

Sometimes they lick it! – he said looking into the distance (not really though as he appeared to be studying the hedge behind the car)

– It could do with a clean – I said with a smile, this did not go down well – he looked at me as if I did not grasp the seriousness of the situation.

And sometimes they drool on it – he added to give me an overall picture of how the cows appreciated my nice black Audi.

That’s all right – I said – no harm done, I just appreciate being able to park close to the river.

– I just didnae want ye tae think it was me and the wife……- he paused again – spitting on yer car!

– I er, um didn’t think it was you anyway…um – I was a bit confused at this.

– Aye, I’m glad we had this little chat – good luck with the fishing!

And that my friend’s is the story of my conversation with the farmer regarding cow drooling over my car.

cow drool


  1. alan atkins · September 12, 2007

    Superb stuff, THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT! Never mind detailing the hatch or bothering with the latest in large arbour reel design, coo drool is what we’re after, and lots of it please!!
    Looks like you are starting to be-friend your arch nemesis Alistair, very funny stuff, althouhg the image of the farmer and his wife up to no good on the bonnet of the audio is a bit beyond the pale for this time in the morning!

  2. peter · September 12, 2007

    Now I`ve seen it all.last cast on Fri.night just as light was fading, my mate hooked what we thought was a salmon,but turned out to be a 1lb9oz rainbow trout.Iwant to apologise to the people I`ve doubted over the years.Sorry


  3. Alistair · September 12, 2007

    Hey, where was the rainbow caught ?


  4. peter · September 12, 2007

    I can tell you,if you keep it to yourself. This is for purely selfish reasons.We fish the same 3 miles most Fri`s,and hardly ever meet another angler.Just b4 my mates r/bow,I hooked a 3/4lb brown on a 16# bivisible. Rainbow took a part/orange on the retrieve.both caught on same 50 metre stretch.I`m sure you have fished this bit too at some point. P.

  5. Alistair · September 12, 2007

    No problemo Peter, I have sent you an email !


  6. Sven · September 12, 2007

    Great site and blog – I really got a laugh out of this post about the cows licking your Audi… whoever would have thought…
    I’ll give the Kelvin a go next time I’m in Glasgow.
    Tight lines!

  7. Alistair · September 12, 2007

    Thanks for the comment Sven – I take it you work for emirates ?

  8. Sven · September 12, 2007

    I do indeed Alistair. I’ll pm you.

  9. nikki · September 12, 2007

    hi i have set up my fishing blog cheak it out at nikki-fishing.blogspot leve comment so i know u have been thanks

  10. Billy · September 12, 2007

    If you ever fish the Avon at Strathavon you will meet an entirely different breed of cow in the pasture. These cows are trained to chase anglers.Especially wader bound ones. I got half way across the field once without incident but I reckon they must have been waiting to get me in open ground befare launching a ground assault. I never realise how fast cows could be until that day. Come to think of it,I never realised how fast I could run until that day! Fortunately I was able to jump the fence.Unfortunately I ripped a wader in the process. I wonder if they knew that I was from Glasgow? I could have sworn I saw one in a Motherwell shell suit the following week. Don’t cross the fields in Strathavon Guys.Not unless you can run fast in waders!

  11. Alistair · September 12, 2007

    I swear to God Billy – never trust those things !

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