“Trout in Dirty Places” written and fished by Theo Pike

Coming soon: Trout in Dirty Places, to be published by Merlin Unwin Books on 3 April 2012.

As Covers go......I like it!

He has a facebook page you can visit to find out more information. Do you think the Kelvin is in it?

If you answered yes then you have been paying attention as he visited us last season for a spot ofearly season blanking and walking. 

The infamous Kelvin Otter also put in a surprise guest appearance which was good PR for the river – it was chilling out under a bridge just waiting for some of those Kelvin Salmon to make an appearance – in the meantime it was feeding on trout and possibly discarded takeaway pizzas.


 Here are the photos of the day..




Kelvinography – Kelvin Hotel

You know – when I spotted this hotel while standing at a bus stop I thought that it was going to be a bit….you know – pay by the hour or a bit of a bed and breakfast for Glasgow City Council’s homeless teams however after a quick Google I was pleasantly surprised – it is a proper hotel albeit a two star – clean, friendly, cheap and in the West End of Glasgow – you can walk to some fine trout fishing in under 5 minutes.

Kelvinography - Kelvin Hotel

A worthy addition to the Kelvinography collection!

Winter Man Shit – Shaving!

I know that a few of my readers and friends enjoy the “wild man” unshaven look as it seems to go hand in hand with the outdoors fishing lifestyle. Personally I like putting off shaving for a week and then feeling all smooth for a while. Plus my work is not a big fan of my looking a bit…..well, scruffy!

Recently (as in the last 20 years) I have been become pissed off with a few things about shaving:

  1. The cost of those cartridge blades.
  2. Putting blue chemical based gloop on my face.
  3. My wife using those expensive blades on her legs resulting in them being ruined.
  4. Environmental impact.

I also read that the little blue line on the cartridge razors are designed to fade before they are blunt to ensure you buy more of them before you actually need them. I find that shady and dishonest!

Consequently I took the leap into (or should that be back into) using a double edge safety razor. You see when I was younger and my bum fluff moustache needed to be shaved my father got out his shaving gear which comprised of a razor, brush and soap and lathered up my face before scraping off the whiskers. For a year or so this is what I did as well – I cannot remember when I was first conned into buying the multi blade cartridge contraptions however it is what I have used ever since.

Anyway, so after Christmas I bit the bullet and bought myself some shaving gear off Amazon..(Pics are links to Amazon)

Manly Razor!

Manly Soap!

Strictly not to be used for fly tying!!


The reason you cannot buy good safety razors in Supermarkets it seems is that they would rather have you buying the more expensive cartridges called lots of techno speak like “Quantum”  and “Max Power”

Of course in addition to the gear I linked to on Amazon you need to buy some razor blades however they are pretty cheap – you can buy 100 for around £8 – one blade lasts around a few shaves. There is nothing manlier than using a brush to lather up your face to shave like yer Dad (or some folk their Grandfather). Don’t get me wrong there is a learning curve as your face gets used to it however do a bit of reading and you will be fine.

Other than disposing of the razor blades there is a lot less environmental impact involved in wet shaving – you are not pumping some chemical out every other day and the packaging that the razor blades comes in actually doubles as a container to discard the razors.

You can thank me in flies!

Weekly Water Photo – 52 of 52

Right, I should actually point I have got my numbering wrong – the post a few days ago included three water photos that I did not label.

Here is the last of the year..

Spot The Trout

Not a recent photo however a picture of what I am looking forward to in the spring – rising trout in Spring time.

Looking forward to it – see you all in the New Year!

Trout Underground goes on holiday

Tom Chandler from The Trout Underground  on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ‘£10,000 per call’.

Tom, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God.

Tom thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Lincoln There, at the cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.

‘O.K., thank you,’ said Tom.

He then travelled to York , Durham and Liverpool

In every Cathedral he saw the same golden telephone with the same ‘£10,000 per call’ sign under it.

Tom, upon leaving the N of England decided to travel to Scotland to see if the Scots had the same phone.

He arrived in Glasgow, and again, as he entered the cathedral , there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read ’50 pence per call.’

Tom was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. ‘Reverend, I’ve travelled all over England and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in England the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it only 50pence here?’

The priest smiled and answered, ‘You’re in Scotland now, son …. it’s a local call.’

Way Back When?

I always think that winter and around the turn of the year is a time of reflection. I tend to look back at this diary more than I actually write in it and tend to make unrealistic plans for the future. I know that I am probably not going to get away for that week up North however can still dream about some warm Summer evenings at dusk when the trout start to sip down olives with a lot more excitement than just an hour ago.

Way back almost when this blog started my fishing took a leap when I met a couple of guys – Alberto and Emanuale – here they are the first time we met fishing Loch Awe together.

This was between rainstorms....

I think it was during this time I met Mike from Tamanawis, of course back then he had long hair …


…and of course he was a single man as well.

The Winter Solstice has now passed us by and the days should start getting longer although not warmer for a few months yet. That used to always confuse me as you would think with the extra heat and light it should start to warm up immediately, however due to Seasonal Lag instead the country gets colder.

Apart from this year when we are expected to get highs of 15 degrees in some parts of the country. This is in fact a good trout fishing temp  and if it was June I would be wearing long shorts and a jumper instead of a woolly hat.

Anyway, where was I? unrealistic plans? Well, how about some realistic ones! I am pretty sure that once all the arbour work is completed on the Kelvin I will have one helluva lot more good fly water to explore. The work has opened up some very long sections of pools, riffles and runs to explore.

Big sections cleared...

 We are not talking about the odd branch here and there – there were some serious trees taken out and then chipped..

Cut off his legs...

I suppose the reason I am thinking about the past is because I would swear the Kelvin has changed one heck of a lot in the last 15 years. I remember when I first started fishing the Kelvin the area at the Vet School seemed to carry a lot more water with long strings of weed – the trout used to sit among the weed and catching them was pretty difficult. I have no idea where all this long weed has gone.

The problem with the past is that 15 years ago I was a pretty shit fisher (whereas now I am merely mediocre)however I still managed to catch a lot of trout albeit smaller ones. I am hoping that with the no kill policy the last year combined with the no stocking policy the indigenous trout population should start to recover – maybe in another few years. Problem is some folk still look on the no kill trout policy as something that affects other folk – I met one guy during the season who stated he was being “plagued by trout” while fishing the worm for Salmon – he chucked a dead trout on the bank “fur the dug”.

That has annoyed me for months.

What the Kelvin needs is more dedicated trout anglers who have conservation in mind – dare I say fly fishers. As it is the membership has tipped towards the Salmon fishers. The current trout, fly only ticket stands at a grand total of £15 a season – peanuts!

Here’s to to Summer evenings eh?


Flies on Ebay

On my wanders around the internets I am always amazed at the bargains that can be had for the lazy fly fisher. I remember reading an article about the owner of the Glasgow Angling Center who stated the most amount of cash he makes is due to flies – he buys them in dirt cheap and then sells them at a huge markup. Every week I am sent emails from folk in Kenya who try and sell me flies in bulk to sell on through this site – I suspect these flies are the same ones that are sold under the Fulling Mill banner so you can imagine how much the markup must be. Essentially without any haggling whatsoever they want a few pence per fly.

I suspect a lot of the flies on Ebay are tied in Kenya by the Fulling Mill factories (or ex employees?)

Anyway check this selection of flies out on Ebay – a selection of 40 dry flies for £10 – however you can get even cheaper than that. In fact, here is a selection of parachutes that would so someone an entire season on the Kelvin – 48 of them with a starting bid of eight bucks it probably wont get much higher than that!

48 of these stuck in a metal railing would not break the bank

While we are about it here is some small CDC patterns 10 of them starting at 2.99.

Again – a fly angler starting out need not worry too much about spending extortionate amounts of cash for flies – the trick starts when you need specialty flies like micro flies and personal favorite patterns like Deer Hair Emergers however there are good local tyers who will tie these up for you.

So do you tie or buy?



Hurricane Bawbag Hits Scotland

Our very own Hurricane has been given a name in true style – personally I noticed it was a bit breezy when a large metal bin went flying down Anniesland Cross high street  towards a gent who then actually punched the thing sending it banging into a taxi.

He did not even flinch.

The taxi driver was raging.

Meanwhile, the wind turbines are going mental..

You can have too much electricity..

edit: I of course had to add this wee gem


River Kelvin Spate

Totally random video of the Kelvin in spate – lasts around a minute. I was actually out with Atkins looking at all the arbour work that had been done. Lots of pictures to add to the RKAA site.


Weekly Water Photo – 48 of 52

With all the rain we have had you can do a spot of white water rafting if you are so inclined – these pictures were taken before the water was really turned on…

Water Photo 48

I had to telephone the council last week as there was a log blocking the fish pass – it has obviously now been cleared.

White Water Rafting anyone?

I do not fancy going down that in a boat? The Allander and Kelvin had both burst their banks out Balmore way – anyone else have any good photos?

Sadly I could not stick around long enough to see any Salmon running as the wife was in the car tapping her watch!

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