I don’t need a float tube – quality (PERV) inventiveness saves the day!

So it turns out that due to having a baby my finances for fishing have been severely cut by the Supreme Commander.

I have been trying to come up with novel ways of getting the stuff that I need. Or rather alternative solutions to the problems that I may have on the water. One of the main pieces of fishing gear that I was obsessively coveting  needed was a float tube – it is by far the most expensive thing on my list. Now – what exactly does a float tube do ? Well, it gets you closer to the fish – it is like a disguise almost – you look like a giant duck to the fish so they do not get spooked. They are portable so you can carry them around and they are a cheap solution to buying an actual boat.

A Float Tube

A Float Tube

Anyway, it looks like there are no float tube manufacturers lining up to actually give me one so I have decided to look into alternatives that meet all the above criteria at a cheaper cost.

Ladies and Gents – I give you – the “Personal Environmental Reconoissance Vehicle”:


As you can see the PERV meets all my criteria:

  1. Blends in with natural wildlife (well it does in Scotland anyway) – it tries to emulate everything a fish might see in the water! (and then some)
  2. Air filled – so float-able!
  3. A handy retractable place to put my sandwiches!
  4. Somewhere to place my head in case of a snooze!

Fantastic – as you can see when you have a problem it is sometimes the simplest solution that is the one that will work.  Looking forward to catching a toothy critter whilst straddling this baby? Damn right I am!

See you (as Tom Chandler might say) in the Sex Shop


  1. Scott · February 3, 2009

    hahahahahaha, alistair, i would pay money to see you fishing whilst straddling that bad boy!

  2. Andy C · February 3, 2009

    LOL LOL LOL you better get a life jacket lollol

  3. Stuart B · February 3, 2009

    He’s finally flipped !!!!!!! 🙂

  4. Alex · February 3, 2009

    Very resourceful Alistair. It could even double up as a, erm, … I will let you finish that sentence!

  5. Campbell S · February 3, 2009

    Wow, I guess you have had it a while, I remember laminate in your living room!

  6. simon · February 3, 2009

    I tell you what Alistair, its knob could double up as a handy chin rest as well.Sticks out like a pork chop in synagogue if you ask me.Would give new meaning to the words
    ‘up periscope’………Best laugh I have all day considering I arrived back 2 days ago from South Africa with a bag full of fly fishing tackle missing and lost somewhere between Germany and here.

    simon’s last blog post..Anger, Disgust & Disappointment

  7. Jock · February 3, 2009

    no curtains …shocking!!!

  8. simon · February 3, 2009

    actually, come to think about it I find the flat screen t.v rather distracting.

    simon’s last blog post..Anger, Disgust & Disappointment

  9. Alistair · February 3, 2009

    This is serious stuff and all you guys can do is mock my lack of curtains and poor DIY skills.

    Just you wait until I am hauling them in like a commercial fisherman – you guys will be ordering sex toys left right and centre – especially YOU Stuart B!!!!

  10. Stuart B · February 3, 2009


  11. DSFlyman · February 3, 2009

    So very wrong. I have several comments, but I just can’t make myself put them down. Any pics of you on the water with your new PERV?

    DSFlyman’s last blog post..Obama Approves New Obama Caddis Pupa

  12. themaninthemoon · February 3, 2009

    Gee, this just sets the complete stage for why they make movies like brokeback mountain, and a river runs through it.

    So, which end of this thing is the steering part for the rudder?

    And you impale yourself on there when you’re approaching which class of whitewater rapids?

    Sorry, but I’m laughing, just thinking of how I can make any other comments without being brought up on charges for violating your (Haha!, sexual preferences), constitutional civil rights, and all I can come up with is;
    I won’t ask, you don’t tell, and, for heavens sake, please, don’t show it either!

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