Kelvinography – The Kelvin-Helmholtz Wave Cloud

The Kelvin-Helmholtz wave cloud looks like crashing ocean waves. These beautiful clouds are named after German physicist Hermann von Helmholtz and British physicist Lord Kelvin, because they form when two different layers of air are moving past each other at different speeds. The above layer is faster. Some parts of the boundary – a shearing layer – move down, and others move up.

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Interestingly there has not been the usual crowd of guys fishing the Kelvin this year for Salmon and the word on the street is the fishing for Salmon on the Kelvin has been = “total shite this year” (according to the chap in Dumbarton who owns the food shop and served me my roll n’ bacon with potato scone doubler)

You need a big net!

Personally I have not noticed that much of a difference – every time I have been at the river I have seen fish and guys I meet are catching Salmon, again I met a guy who bought his permit on the Saturday drove to the river and caught a Salmon on the “Snakes” (not set lining I must add, rather trotting his worms). My pal Atkins has had his usual amount and Paul Reid lost a 20lb fish up at Torrance. I am happy at the rumours of no fish as it means there is more space for the guys that do manage to get out. Sadly I met one guy who was chucking the trout he had caught “accidentally” back into the river – not returning but chucking – he had also killed a couple of trout one for his dog and one for his cat at home. And you wonder why paid bailiffs do not get voted through at the AGM eh?

Fishing the Rapala - Paul Reid

I suppose we will know when the catch returns come in – speaking of catch returns I was interested to read that the Mid Clyde Angling Association have admitted in the Scotsman they knowingly lie to the Crown Estates each year to keep their rent down – that was kinda brave I thought!

Anyway, I am currently trying to find some time to fit some fishing in between baby duties – wish me luck!


Last Days….

The Summer is now into its old age and heading towards its grave – the leaves are falling off the trees and I had been hoping to have one final cast before the winter (and close season hit) – I also had a plan to clean the grime from my Salmon fishing exploits off my waders..

I have no idea - liquid evil possibly?

 When I gazed at my chosen stream from a bridge it looked perfect – problem is I have never fished this part so was not sure what it should actually look like. It looks nice though – pools, riffles,runs etc.

Good from a distance…

Problem was when I drove up the river for this stolen hour I was to find the fishing not quite impossible but certainly not enjoyable..

Running Brown...

It was also raining and blowy – I decided that I would rather chill and watch the birds for a bit instead of frantically getting myself set up. The good news for next year is that I have found another couple of trout streams (small uns’) that I intend to have a bash on next year.

Over the next week or so I will start to dissect the season and we can have a chat about it – for now I am going to start getting my fly tying gear out and start planning!



In Birmingham!


Out for a walk – wish I had my pike gear!

Consumer Lust…

I love gadgets and new “stuff” that I can use to get shit done. There are a few other things I am interested in apart from fishing and a few things I would like to get more interested in which I just do not seem to have time for.

Now that the leaves are well and truly being blown off the trees and the nights are fair drawing in I start to look up at the stars and want to get a bit closer to those bad boys.

(pics are Amazon links)

Celestron SkyMaster Binoculars 15x70

These bad boys are Celestron SkyMaster Binoculars 15×70 and should allow me to get up and personal with some of those planets that I seek out. Of course I also quite fancy a telescope however seemingly a good quality pair of binos are good for starters seemingly.

Talking of telescopes…

Celestron Astromaster 114EQ

This bad boy should have me gazing at the moons of Jupiter and the rings of Saturn in no time – I also quite fancy joining Glasgow’s Astronomical Society.

Closer to the planet earth you may have noticed my photos vary in quality – I too have noticed this and therefore I have eyes on new cameras.

Canon PowerShot SX130

Seemingly it takes good photos and is a pretty good price too. Unlike the waterproof camera I covet..

Panasonic Lumix FT3 Waterproof and Shockproof Digital Camera - Blue (12.1MP, 4.6x Optical Zoom with GPS)

Also for those winter nights I quite fancy getting one of those fancy Kindle things..

Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, Graphite, 6" Display with New E Ink Pearl Technology

Saying that, I also hear that Amazon is releasing a tablet – I quite fancy that as well. Of course there is a lot more gadgets etc I fancy and I keep em’ all on my Amazon Wishlist.

Like I say – I am filled with consumer lust!


I love it when a plan…God Dammit !

All my fishing plans over the last few weeks have totally went fubar.

Typical example – this afternoon I was driving home when I realized my Mother n’ Law could possibly be at my house – now that I have two boys then two people must be there to assist with putting them to bed. I telephoned Atkins who was already at the river – he had just lost a grilse and things were looking up for another, I told him my plan was to get home, ask the Mother n’ Law if she could help my wife and then me to head to the river for some Salmon action.

The plan reeked of awesomeness !

I pulled into my car park and the first thing I noticed was the lack of Mother n’ Law car. Instantly my dreams were shattered..

Here is a picture of a double rainbow I took when out for a walk with the boys.

Double Rainbows - now that is awesome!

Damn and blast!


It does not get much better than this…

Sadly the Gods of the Pike have been absent from my life as of late – my last two sessions have left me decidedly humbled and today’s session was even worse – it rained. I thought things were looking up as David Wolsoncroft-Dodds emailed me the other day – seemingly a reader of this diary was guided by him and they mentioned I plugged his book – this one:

Anyway I was kinda hoping that some of that magic had worn off via email however the green beasts failed to show up. As we were packing up I met a pal of a pal Al Pyke and his buddy who were just tackling up – with usual tact and honesty I moaned “It was bloody awful, we did not even see a fish and then two guys showed up who chucked a couple of herrings at us”*

It was only later I realised how I would feel if some bastard had just told me the fishing was pish and I would be better staying at home earning some brownie points. If you are reading this Al I hope you caught some monsters!

Yes – quite!

*not that I have anything against the herrings or people that throw them!


The trouble within FORK?

Meanwhile, what the hell is going down with FORK?

And who's idea was the Cormorant?

Dodgy bookeeping?

The Office of the Scottish  Charity Regulator  has refered the Friend’s of the River Kelvin to
OSCR Compliance. You will see this if you check out the OSCR website

I assume this is due to the fact that FORK has not submitted audited accounts since 2007 etc etc

You will be aware of the ongoing FORK management problems. Which are being addressed!

Hopefully this issue can be resolved before FORK is fully investigated and struck off as a Charity due to management inadequacies with all of the bad publicity etc


Shock resignations:

Resignation as FORK Secretary and Other FORK Positions as of 30 September 2011

I have failed in my attempts to ‘sort out FORK’ affairs before the Office of the Scottish Charity Regulators took action.

As a result it is my duty not to seek reelection at the 1 October FORK Annual General Meeting

I would have resigned with immediate effect but there needs to be an orderly transfer of duties during the wind down and the need to be available for OSCR officials.

All I can say is I tried my best but failed.

They appear to be taking a much more West End approach to problems – personally, I blame the whole lot on the Cormorant.

Links between the River Kelvin Angling Association and Friends of the River Kelvin have been great over the last few years since the association took on a new direction, for years I did not understand why the two did not get on and then I found out that the two old dinosaurs that created them fell out 20 years ago when the FORKS founders dog bit Dougie Brown (RKAA founder) – consequently years of mistrust and bickering ensued.

Anyway, I hope FORK pull through soon – they are really a great wee organisation.

Polaroid Review – a lie, a half true and a true story (and stop telling me how sexy I look)

In my professional opinion as an opinionated person on the internet, I feel able to give you some advice on what bits of fancy plastic you should put over your eyes. Seeing as how I can not just say “Buy these and stop telling me how sexy I look!” I need to place some words, paragraphs and bang some bad grammar in front of it – so here we go….

I have three stories to tell you about my Polaroid Sunglasses – one is a downright lie, one is kind of true and one is totally true.

I will leave it up to you to decide which is which.

Story 1

I walked to the river and it was a bright evening – because I was wearing my fancy  Reach Polaroids  the light from the sunset did not distract me as I fell into the river caught a lovely trout of around a quarter of a pound. They yellow lenses meant that in the failing dark I could pick my way back along the riverbank only getting jaggy nettles on my arms,hands, down the side of my face and weirdly a bit on my nipple.

Side Bits - not for general wear!

Story 2

I took the boy down to the canal – he was wearing his kids polaroids, he could see all the roach under the water – we caught one using a fishing Whip.

Practically unbreakable thankfully!

Story 3

I strolled through the Vet School wearing my Polaroid Voyagers, I was wearing them as it was bright – a startling beautiful 22 year old Italian goddess walking a dog (this does actually happen in the Vet School) walks up to me and in broken English says “Yoo arr verry Secksy,no, in yoor waderz and cool glasess!”

Polaroid Voyagers - guaranteeing "le sexy time" (unless you are married with two kids)

You cannot guess? Let me help you!

Normal sunglasses decrease the intensity of everything by the same amount. Polarized sunglasses can selectively eliminate the reflection from light coming from above the water surface.

You see certain surfaces, such as water, can reflect a great deal of light, and the bright spots can be distracting or can hide objects such as foot tripping boulders and the occasional fish. Good sunglasses can completely eliminate this kind of glare using polarization and also eliminate specific frequencies of light. Certain frequencies of light can blur vision, and others can enhance contrast. Choosing the right colour for your sunglasses lets them work better in specific situations. To a fly fisher this is pretty good as polarized glasses reduce the blinding effect of glare, they also reduce the effects of reflections on the water (clouds and trees) resulting in the water appearing slightly darker but more transparent.

Generally gray tints are great all-purpose tints that reduce the overall amount of brightness with the least amount of color distortion. Yellow or gold tints reduce the amount of blue light while allowing a larger percentage of other frequencies through. The yellow tint has the effect of making everything bright and sharp. Amber and brownish tints are also good general purpose tints.

However, not all polaroids are made equal – you can buy cheap polaroids everywhere that look exactly the same as the high-priced brand names for a fraction of the cost. Beware – not only will they be total crap at what you want them for they may actually damage your eyes in the long term as they may not block harmful UV. 

In terms of comfortableness the Voyagers and the  Reach glasses are great – I really could not ask for a better fit – they do not cause annoying pain around the ears or nose even with my handsome round head.

So buy these ones and stop telling me how sexy I look!

Weekly Water Photo 35 – Autumn?

You can tell Autumn is coming, the signs are all there – a chill in the air, dark nights a coming, berries in the bushes and of course hair straighteners are in the trees..

Hair straighteners - can you spot them?

Anyway, so I went for a walk through the park with the boys and most enjoyable it was too – it would have been nice to fish the river (for trout) as it had a nice height and was a very peaty tinge to it. I spotted a few trout rising as well – in fact that is the weekly water photo for this week..

Weekly Water Photo 35

I spent some time checking out the pool – it looked great – I reckon if I was fishing that pool I would have had a few trout to my hand – as it was I could tell that other folk had a bash at them..


The float and line was sitting on the grass next to the river – the boy was looking at a squirrel and I reckoned this was a major danger to any wildlife – it saddens me that there are so many irresponsible anglers out there but hey – some people just do not know any better – it could have been a total accident however how come I always seem to find discarded bubble floats, spinners and lumps of lead in trees as I am wading along the river bank – it never used to be the case. I remember a chap called Chris that used to fish up in the Vet School who used bait and a float to catch trout – I have never met another angler like him that watched his float carefully and struck at the slightest nibble – the Kelvin trout were in safe hands with that guy!

As I walked up the river the boys got tired and started to….I can only describe it as scream. It was because of this that I never chinned a group of guys bait fishing at the White House Pool (so called because of the bloody great white house next to it) – I made moves towards them and received a warning glare from my beloved wife so decided to text Stephen (bailiff and committee member) who was on their case in a flash and they were soon packing up their gear – I then heard that some other guys had been cleared out up Balmore Road by Paul Reid (Secretary) and Stephen.

The RKAA members need to make a decision on exactly what they want for their river – we need paid bailiffs we can call on night or day to deal with these characters – I was down the Vet School one night and came across some guy with a fire – asked him to see his permit and was told he had a permit and did not give a fuck about the rules – ended up phoning the police however he was gone by the time they got their – I know this has nowt to do with it however he was fishing with a maggot.

I have no idea when I will fish next – the Clyde is calling me however all possible baby helpers are away for the next two weeks leaving me as the responsible partner!