Two bridge pictures !

An easy one – What two ?



No prizes !

Kelvin AGM Madness, Glasgow Angling Centre U Turn on Wader Warranties and other Random Acts of Violence..

I am man enough to admit I was a wee bit nervous about the Kelvin Angling Association AGM – I mean, up on that stage in front of a couple of hundred intellectuals ready to start an intense debate on the finer points of the books and river management. I was thinking maybe that the members would maybe give a wee bit of praise about all the hard work we have put in to improving access and moving things forward.

Kelvin AGM

Instead we had a rammy involving debatable members (its a loooooong story)  who were stinking of alcohol  shouting and swearing at us – and please, yet another call for a vote of confidence in Paul Reid? I mean, he was up for re-election, anyone in the room could have stood against him however nobody wants to do the hard graft that he does, hell I do not want to do the hard graft that he does – someone (one of the drunk ones) made a point that he does not pay for a permit so why should he be asking others for a permit. Hell, the guy only gives up a huge amount of his personal time to get shit done for the association. So when he was safely voted back in folk decided that he was fair game. Caroline from the Clyde River Foundation was interrupted twice during her presentation on the work being carried out – both times not one good question was asked – unless you call “How much money do you want”? a serious question.

Who I feel sorry for are the ones that do have questions and concerns to address that cannot because of the ruckus.

To be frank, it is a waste of my time!

Got a phone call from Alex, long time fishing buddy who commiserated with the AGM tale and told me his own story of woe involving the  Glasgow Angling Centre. He bought a new pair of Scierra waders a couple of weeks ago – first time out and he was drenched through – day absolutely ruined. Not a nice situation when you are ball deep in freezing cold water. He duly drove the 50 miles to take them back to the Glasgow Angling Centre only to be met with an employee who refused to believe him that they leaked, they did a test seemingly involving filling them up with water and then looking for leaks. Guys, that has got to be one of the shittest ways of looking for seeping leaks in waders there is. He was also told it could be condensation in breathable waders? I have had the odd spot of sweaty legs in summer while wearing rubber waders however in breathable waders in winter? Thing is, all Alex wanted was an exchange of 2 week old waders – can you see any kind of con involved in this at all? It is a motiveless con that should have been resolved there and then –  it is a simple case of a manufacturing fault – seemingly they have now been sent off for testing by the manufacturer.

No pictures of fish - so here is one of Alex's ass when he was wearing non leaking waders

Whatever happened to statutory rights and good customer service? This is another reason to buy a pair of Orvis!

I am embarrassed to say I have not been near any fishy stuff for some time.  I am a member of a forum where I agreed to partake in a “fly swap” – this is where the members tie up an agreed number of flies and then given out to all the members. I was supposed to tie up 28 flies – this may not sound a lot to some folk however when you factor in the fact I get home from work at 5.30pm and then have a hectic time of meals for the boys and then bed time antics I usually go to my bed at around 8.30pm. This is because the whole craziness starts again at 0530 in the morning (with a few wake up sessions during the night).When you can factor in teething and illness into the whole shebang things get messy. It leaves not a lot of time to do much!

So I pulled out the fly swap on the last day – and felt like shit for doing it.

Anyway, so what fishy stuff have I been doing? Well, I have been at a few Kelvin meetings and that is about it. I have got to get my ass in gear and get my rods out, it is kinda funny as I have been thinking of getting my old two piece Greys GRX out – it is a lovely rod very forgiving. I think I will look my old Lamson reel out as well for a change. I have pretty much decided I need a total change of fly lines this year. Last year my 4 weight and 5 weight fly lines were looking a bit tatty (especially the 4 weight) so looks like there are purchases in my future.

Only 37 days to go!

Spotted in the Daily Record!

Was browsing through the Record – Glasgow’s news rag of choice when I got to the usual Friday fishing section – it was not the usual advice given by Silver Wilkie that caught my eye it was this advert on the same page..

Can you spot it?

Is that not a bit like B&Q advertising “Electricians, Plumbers, Plasterers, Burglars, DIY enthusiasts get all your tools here” 




You may remember a while ago I posted about forums and being banned from them, essentially I was banned from a forum that was allegedly set up by guys that had been banned from all the popular forums  –  it is called the River Clyde Forum. While I was a member there I witnessed people being bullied and one fishing shop retailer being victimized so much that his shop was closed.

Anyway, the story of my banning is here.

I posted my story and then forgot all about it – I thought it was a funny story to post that happened to me and I moved on. However things took a sinister turn.

I received an email a few weeks ago entitled:


The email reads:

Good day Alistair, just had a look at a part of your blog.

Please remove the 2 banner images immediately from it, these images are copyright of R.C.F

If we find any slanderous or false comments regarding River Clyde Fishing Forum you will not be long in hearing  from our lawyers & also we will be in contact with ‘wordpress’.

We will give you 24hrs to remove these images.


River Clyde Admin

Good grief – I was quivering in my boots, my cornflakes spluttering from my mouth. “Lock the doors”  I instructed the wife – the heavy mob will be around in a minute. In actual fact I ignored it for a couple of hours however then decided to point out that they were talking pish considering copyright is totally different from trademark – I still have no idea why they would contact wordpress.

So I said:

Dear  River Clyde Admin , 

I am aware that your banners were found after a competition seeking an appropriate logo for your site. 

Logos are protected by trademark law, not copyright, and fair use of a trademark is not the same as fair use of copyrighted work. The reasoning behind fair use in either instance, however, is similar as it protects a fundamental right of free expression. Fair use allows the use of a logo without seeking permission from the trademark owner. is a personal news and opinion blog which has been recognised internationally – I have no idea why you would wish to contact WordPress however if it is because I use that software then you may wish to contact Scottish Power as they supply my electricity. 
I must add that I find your accusatory tone regarding slander offensive –  If the offending material is published in some fleeting form, as by spoken words or sounds, sign language, gestures and the like, then this is slander. Writing an opinion on facts on a personal blog is not. 
Alistair –
Like it? Graham is from Australia so I get to say we are internationally recognised – love it!
I then received a reply:
Thanks Alistair, 
your comments have been noted, we will be in touch.


River Clyde Admin

Eh what? Literally two minutes later this arrived:

Good evening Urbanflyfisher (Alistair),One of our admin team has passed on the email with regards to the use of the River Clyde Fishing logo’s and screen shots of the forum.

We are happy for you to continue to use our banner on your blog, as you have said, you are recognised ‘internationally’ so we will be glad of the exposure.

As for contacting Scottish Power, we also think that would be a bit harsh on our part so we will not take that avenue.

Have a good evening

 River Clyde Fishing


Oh – thanks for stating the obvious “River Clyde Fishing” , the only thing I missed in the final email was an apology for wasting my time. You see, The River Clyde Forum is trying to make itself sound a lot more “official” than it actually is – we are talking about a few guys that strung a site together here, not a company with a team of lawyers behind them. I get annoyed these days about folk that are unable or unwilling to write their actual name at the end of something they have wrote – what it means to me is that what they have just wrote means not a jot.

Anyway, it is Friday thank goodness and we have a mere 48 days until a trout can be caught on the Kelvin. In 48 days I should be able to tie up (going by my tying rate over the last 4 months) absolutely no flies.


“Trout in Dirty Places” written and fished by Theo Pike

Coming soon: Trout in Dirty Places, to be published by Merlin Unwin Books on 3 April 2012.

As Covers go......I like it!

He has a facebook page you can visit to find out more information. Do you think the Kelvin is in it?

If you answered yes then you have been paying attention as he visited us last season for a spot ofearly season blanking and walking. 

The infamous Kelvin Otter also put in a surprise guest appearance which was good PR for the river – it was chilling out under a bridge just waiting for some of those Kelvin Salmon to make an appearance – in the meantime it was feeding on trout and possibly discarded takeaway pizzas.


 Here are the photos of the day..




Kelvinography – Kelvin Hotel

You know – when I spotted this hotel while standing at a bus stop I thought that it was going to be a bit….you know – pay by the hour or a bit of a bed and breakfast for Glasgow City Council’s homeless teams however after a quick Google I was pleasantly surprised – it is a proper hotel albeit a two star – clean, friendly, cheap and in the West End of Glasgow – you can walk to some fine trout fishing in under 5 minutes.

Kelvinography - Kelvin Hotel

A worthy addition to the Kelvinography collection!

Winter Man Shit – Shaving!

I know that a few of my readers and friends enjoy the “wild man” unshaven look as it seems to go hand in hand with the outdoors fishing lifestyle. Personally I like putting off shaving for a week and then feeling all smooth for a while. Plus my work is not a big fan of my looking a bit…..well, scruffy!

Recently (as in the last 20 years) I have been become pissed off with a few things about shaving:

  1. The cost of those cartridge blades.
  2. Putting blue chemical based gloop on my face.
  3. My wife using those expensive blades on her legs resulting in them being ruined.
  4. Environmental impact.

I also read that the little blue line on the cartridge razors are designed to fade before they are blunt to ensure you buy more of them before you actually need them. I find that shady and dishonest!

Consequently I took the leap into (or should that be back into) using a double edge safety razor. You see when I was younger and my bum fluff moustache needed to be shaved my father got out his shaving gear which comprised of a razor, brush and soap and lathered up my face before scraping off the whiskers. For a year or so this is what I did as well – I cannot remember when I was first conned into buying the multi blade cartridge contraptions however it is what I have used ever since.

Anyway, so after Christmas I bit the bullet and bought myself some shaving gear off Amazon..(Pics are links to Amazon)

Manly Razor!

Manly Soap!

Strictly not to be used for fly tying!!


The reason you cannot buy good safety razors in Supermarkets it seems is that they would rather have you buying the more expensive cartridges called lots of techno speak like “Quantum”  and “Max Power”

Of course in addition to the gear I linked to on Amazon you need to buy some razor blades however they are pretty cheap – you can buy 100 for around £8 – one blade lasts around a few shaves. There is nothing manlier than using a brush to lather up your face to shave like yer Dad (or some folk their Grandfather). Don’t get me wrong there is a learning curve as your face gets used to it however do a bit of reading and you will be fine.

Other than disposing of the razor blades there is a lot less environmental impact involved in wet shaving – you are not pumping some chemical out every other day and the packaging that the razor blades comes in actually doubles as a container to discard the razors.

You can thank me in flies!

Weekly Water Photo – 52 of 52

Right, I should actually point I have got my numbering wrong – the post a few days ago included three water photos that I did not label.

Here is the last of the year..

Spot The Trout

Not a recent photo however a picture of what I am looking forward to in the spring – rising trout in Spring time.

Looking forward to it – see you all in the New Year!

Trout Underground goes on holiday

Tom Chandler from The Trout Underground  on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ‘£10,000 per call’.

Tom, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 you could talk to God.

Tom thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Lincoln There, at the cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in London and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for £10,000 he could talk to God.

‘O.K., thank you,’ said Tom.

He then travelled to York , Durham and Liverpool

In every Cathedral he saw the same golden telephone with the same ‘£10,000 per call’ sign under it.

Tom, upon leaving the N of England decided to travel to Scotland to see if the Scots had the same phone.

He arrived in Glasgow, and again, as he entered the cathedral , there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read ’50 pence per call.’

Tom was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. ‘Reverend, I’ve travelled all over England and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in England the price was £10,000 per call. Why is it only 50pence here?’

The priest smiled and answered, ‘You’re in Scotland now, son …. it’s a local call.’

Way Back When?

I always think that winter and around the turn of the year is a time of reflection. I tend to look back at this diary more than I actually write in it and tend to make unrealistic plans for the future. I know that I am probably not going to get away for that week up North however can still dream about some warm Summer evenings at dusk when the trout start to sip down olives with a lot more excitement than just an hour ago.

Way back almost when this blog started my fishing took a leap when I met a couple of guys – Alberto and Emanuale – here they are the first time we met fishing Loch Awe together.

This was between rainstorms....

I think it was during this time I met Mike from Tamanawis, of course back then he had long hair …


…and of course he was a single man as well.

The Winter Solstice has now passed us by and the days should start getting longer although not warmer for a few months yet. That used to always confuse me as you would think with the extra heat and light it should start to warm up immediately, however due to Seasonal Lag instead the country gets colder.

Apart from this year when we are expected to get highs of 15 degrees in some parts of the country. This is in fact a good trout fishing temp  and if it was June I would be wearing long shorts and a jumper instead of a woolly hat.

Anyway, where was I? unrealistic plans? Well, how about some realistic ones! I am pretty sure that once all the arbour work is completed on the Kelvin I will have one helluva lot more good fly water to explore. The work has opened up some very long sections of pools, riffles and runs to explore.

Big sections cleared...

 We are not talking about the odd branch here and there – there were some serious trees taken out and then chipped..

Cut off his legs...

I suppose the reason I am thinking about the past is because I would swear the Kelvin has changed one heck of a lot in the last 15 years. I remember when I first started fishing the Kelvin the area at the Vet School seemed to carry a lot more water with long strings of weed – the trout used to sit among the weed and catching them was pretty difficult. I have no idea where all this long weed has gone.

The problem with the past is that 15 years ago I was a pretty shit fisher (whereas now I am merely mediocre)however I still managed to catch a lot of trout albeit smaller ones. I am hoping that with the no kill policy the last year combined with the no stocking policy the indigenous trout population should start to recover – maybe in another few years. Problem is some folk still look on the no kill trout policy as something that affects other folk – I met one guy during the season who stated he was being “plagued by trout” while fishing the worm for Salmon – he chucked a dead trout on the bank “fur the dug”.

That has annoyed me for months.

What the Kelvin needs is more dedicated trout anglers who have conservation in mind – dare I say fly fishers. As it is the membership has tipped towards the Salmon fishers. The current trout, fly only ticket stands at a grand total of £15 a season – peanuts!

Here’s to to Summer evenings eh?


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