Another bad fishing Joke

Standing at the edge of loch Lomond, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I’ll give you a hundred pounds.”
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, “Okay, where’s my hundred pounda?”

The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you?”

I have won a competition….

So I managed to wangle an evening session yesterday on the Kelvin. I and another Kelvin fisher decided to head up the Kelvin valley closer to the West End. The trout were spooky and Alex had a new 4 weight that he wanted to christen. It was a nice evening and I managed to get a couple of trout. Alex had the fish of the night that decided to do a runner at the last minute…….it was a nice trout too….he played it for a couple of minutes, it took line…….it swerved around behind us……..then gone. There was not much to say really……inside he was screaming I bet!!!
I am not one for deep water but he had a rather interesting time trying to fish at the bottom of a weir..
weir
On our way walking back up to another part of the Kelvin we came across this dead salmon carcass..
salmon carcass
Sad to see, but at least the rain the last couple of days caused a little spate that has put some oxygen back in the water.

Oh and the competition I won? Well when I got my little Tea Stick Bamboo rod, I wanted to get a new snazzy reel to go along with it so I bought a Vosseler DC2. On the website there is a competition where if you take a picture of your reel with a fish you can win a spare spool…well, last week I was down on the Kelvin and snapped a photo, I thought it looked rather nice and sent it in….and won!!

Communication Difficulties!

I want to discuss with you communication difficulties. Now the other day I got SHE WHO MUSY BE OBEYED to give me a lift up to the Glasgow Angling Centre to get some of that sealant stuff for my waders. On the way I mentioned that it would mean that I would be fishing on Sunday at the earliest. Now, I think that was a bit of a hint that I would be going fishing today. Anyway, yesterday I was texting someone about fishing on Sunday and I mentioned that the river was looking good after the day’s rain…I said I was looking forward to fishing the river on Sunday. Now I think that was another hint about going fishing today. Last night on my way home I asked her if she would drop me off at the river and she said no she was going out for a long run…..to me that was a bloody obvious hint that I was going fishing today….
So why when I woke up this morning, rolled over why did my beloved say “what are we going to do today….something nice?”
I said “I …er…I’m going fishing”

“YOU NEVER TOLD ME THAT”

AHA!! Fucking Boots…..I have you now!!!!!

I have located the reason and the actual hole in my waders. I studied the area very very closely and it turns out its my fucking boots.
fucking boots
I noticed that the inner sole has slipped making some studs visable…when i ran my finger over them they were pretty raised and had been digging into my waders…………fucking boots, incidentally made by Vision as well!

Amyway, I have dolloped a rather large bit of aquawhateveritscalled on my stockingfoot (getting a little bit high in the process) and will reverse the waders tommorow and do the same on the other side……I should be fishing again by Sunday!! I had considered sending them back but Vision would do the exact same to them as I have just done, if you remmember that is what they did last time as well!!

waders

Bloody Typical!! a hole in ma waders!!

So today, I got my gear together for a bit of a walk upstream to where the Kelvin is deep and slow. As I was getting my stuff together I was standing at the bridge in the Vet School under the main road….I heard a voice shout out
YOUR SHITE AT FISHIN
I looked around, there was a white van sitting at the lights…….the voice continued
YOU COULNAE CATCH A COLD
Oh, white van man…..where would the world be without your startling wit!

The last time I was upstream I caught a few fish so was feeling pretty confident. It was overcast….as I left it started to rain a little but it soon stopped!
I caught a couple of trout here..
here
and scared away a a lovely active feeder here:
active
As you can see it is pretty overgrown so I had to do a bit of downstream dry action which did not quite work.

Anyway, too cut a long story short I have a hole in my waders. Jings, the Kelvin was too EXTREME for my Vision Extreme waders and now the Vision Endurance cannot ENDURE the power of the Kelvin.
They are drying out downstairs, with a bit of luck it will be just a case of getting a bit of that Aquaseal stuff and patching them up……
Bollocks!!!!

FlySim Fly Fishing Game

FlySim Fly Fishing Game

So I downloaded the fly sim game. Looks ok although my casting is absolutely terrible in it (no changes there then)
Caught a brook trout at 1.5lb woohoo….wish it was a real one though :/

Bad Fishing Joke!

The Fishing Groom
A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk notices the “Just Married” sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.

He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions his behavior.

“I know it’s none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren’t having sex with your new wife.”

“Oh, I couldn’t do that; she has gonorrhea.”

“Well, what about anal sex?”

“Couldn’t do that; she has diarrhea.”

“There is always oral sex.”

“Nope, she has pyorrhea.”

“Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you marry her?”

“That’s easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!”

Fluorocarbon and Lead

Fluorocarbon and Lead

Makes interesting reading…

Every piece of fluorocarbon line, leader or tippet clipped, deposited in a landfill, discarded along or in any body of water or accidentally broken off while fishing will remain for our children, there children and their children’s children to confront. Fly fishers have bitched for years about the volumes of abandoned monofilament line left streamside and along the Worlds fisheries. Given the shelf life of fluorocarbon products, the problem will only escalate

Its a good job that most of the people that leave massive lenghs of mono along the banks of the Kelvin probably do not know about fluorocarbon…..they prbably call it “posh margarine” or something!

Small Stream Action (or rather the lack of it)

So I was thrown out the house today as my fiancé had someone coming around to give here a “preview” of what her make up would look like on our wedding day.
“You will just have to go fishing” She said!
“If you insist”

As it turned out the smaller tributary was pretty low. Yesterday would have been good as it had been raining a little bit but the water has soon all ran off. In fact it was so low that I did not think I was actually going to catch any trout.
alysmall
Eventually, after losing what felt like two nice trout (I was using my new bamboo rod which was nice) I walked right to the Junction pool…..this is where the tributary meets the Kelvin ( There is a picture of it Here). I was thinking of walking back home but the Kelvin looked kind of dark so thought it would be a waste of time, instead I walked back very very slowly……I eventually managed to winkle out a couple of trout and scared absolutely loads.
ally2
At one point I was wading very slowly upstream herding what seemed like around 30 odd trout ahead of me. Not big fish but certainly nice! By that point I was not very bothered as even using stealth mode I was spooking fish…..I would see trout darting past my feet , back upstream , down again, back up and then zoom for the weeds.
ajaja
Looking forward to the next little bit of rain, if no more rain I at least know somewhere on the Kelvin I should be able to tease out some trout if the going gets tough!

BBC NEWS | World | Europe | Italian river ‘full of cocaine’

BBC NEWS | World | Europe | Italian river ‘full of cocaine’

Scientists have found large quantities of a cocaine by-product in a river in northern Italy – suggesting consumption is much higher than previously thought.

The River Po was found to be carrying the equivalent of nearly 4kg (8.8 pounds) of cocaine daily. The Po Valley is home to about five million people.

Imagine catching a “coked” up fish?……..ZooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!

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