Bad Fishing Joke!

The Fishing Groom
A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk notices the “Just Married” sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.

He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions his behavior.

“I know it’s none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren’t having sex with your new wife.”

“Oh, I couldn’t do that; she has gonorrhea.”

“Well, what about anal sex?”

“Couldn’t do that; she has diarrhea.”

“There is always oral sex.”

“Nope, she has pyorrhea.”

“Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you marry her?”

“That’s easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!”

Fluorocarbon and Lead

Fluorocarbon and Lead

Makes interesting reading…

Every piece of fluorocarbon line, leader or tippet clipped, deposited in a landfill, discarded along or in any body of water or accidentally broken off while fishing will remain for our children, there children and their children’s children to confront. Fly fishers have bitched for years about the volumes of abandoned monofilament line left streamside and along the Worlds fisheries. Given the shelf life of fluorocarbon products, the problem will only escalate

Its a good job that most of the people that leave massive lenghs of mono along the banks of the Kelvin probably do not know about fluorocarbon…..they prbably call it “posh margarine” or something!

Small Stream Action (or rather the lack of it)

So I was thrown out the house today as my fiancé had someone coming around to give here a “preview” of what her make up would look like on our wedding day.
“You will just have to go fishing” She said!
“If you insist”

As it turned out the smaller tributary was pretty low. Yesterday would have been good as it had been raining a little bit but the water has soon all ran off. In fact it was so low that I did not think I was actually going to catch any trout.
alysmall
Eventually, after losing what felt like two nice trout (I was using my new bamboo rod which was nice) I walked right to the Junction pool…..this is where the tributary meets the Kelvin ( There is a picture of it Here). I was thinking of walking back home but the Kelvin looked kind of dark so thought it would be a waste of time, instead I walked back very very slowly……I eventually managed to winkle out a couple of trout and scared absolutely loads.
ally2
At one point I was wading very slowly upstream herding what seemed like around 30 odd trout ahead of me. Not big fish but certainly nice! By that point I was not very bothered as even using stealth mode I was spooking fish…..I would see trout darting past my feet , back upstream , down again, back up and then zoom for the weeds.
ajaja
Looking forward to the next little bit of rain, if no more rain I at least know somewhere on the Kelvin I should be able to tease out some trout if the going gets tough!

BBC NEWS | World | Europe | Italian river ‘full of cocaine’

BBC NEWS | World | Europe | Italian river ‘full of cocaine’

Scientists have found large quantities of a cocaine by-product in a river in northern Italy – suggesting consumption is much higher than previously thought.

The River Po was found to be carrying the equivalent of nearly 4kg (8.8 pounds) of cocaine daily. The Po Valley is home to about five million people.

Imagine catching a “coked” up fish?……..ZooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!

Being a Warden on the Kelvin!

A man was stopped by a warden down on the Kelvin recently with two buckets of live trout . The warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
The man replied to the warden, “No, sir. These are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?” the warden replied.
“Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the river and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home.”
“That’s a bunch of hooey! Fish can’t do that!”
The man looked at the warden for a moment, and then said, “Here, I’ll show you. It really works.”
“Okay, I’ve GOT to see this!” The warden was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the Kelvin and stood and waited. After several minutes, the warden turned to the man and said: “Well?”
“Well, What?” the man responded.
“When are you going to call them back?” the warden prompted.
“Call who back?” the man asked.
“The FISH.”
“What fish?” the man asked

Quote.

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught. ~Author Unknown

Rain!

So it has been raining a smidgen the last couple of days. I do not think it is enough however to make any difference to the water levels. Fingers crossed that we get some more sustained rainfall!!

Evening Session!

So a couple of friends and I went to our little spot on the other river that we know for an evening session. It was hard fishing from the outset, it was totally in contrast to the other evening when it was hard fishing but at least there was plenty of fish actually rising.
Emanuele as usuall caught the biggest fish (this is turning into a bit of a habit)
eman at shoals
And this was my first fish that I actually landed after missing several..
firsty
As dusk was settling in there was a massive amount of flies on the water, it was kind of hard seeing your fly and it was pretty nerve wracking as trout would make splashy rises near your fly so it was hard to make out if they had taken it or not. Anyway, after around 20 mins of this I finally got one, playing it on my bamboo rod was great…….
Walking back we were talking about the hatch and catching fish and how every time we fish this river it is never the same……we allso counted up the fish we had caught……
…of course my fish counts as two as it was dark Trying to claw back a little dignity..
…it counts as half says Emanuele it was easier as you seen it rising

Humph….some people!!

“Fantastic Four” has no Fly Fishing in it!!

I received a text today from a fishing buddy telling me that he found a several dead Salmon in the Kelvin, around the grilse size…5-6lb. He thought they looked quite old and I have not seen any more dead fish so as long as we don’t get anymore consistent hot weather the trout should be ok.
I decided to go for a wander along the Kelvin today as I know a few places that are very deep and very slow where I have seen fish in the past and I reckoned that there was a good chance that part of the river would be not as affected as much by the weather. I was correct. I was also gagging to fish with my new Tea Stick Bamboo rod. Just my luck, almost as soon as it arrived the sun came out and the weather turned. Well to be fair I did catch my biggest trout of the season but hell….its just so damn nice to fish with!!
snazzy bamboo rod

When I got to the place I could see around 5 fish constantly rising…..the only problem was they were in places that I could not cast to. However as the water was so low I managed to wade across to the other side of the river and make a few casts. I managed to spook them all. The water was so slow that they had plenty of time to examine my fly.
woot
However I walked down and hooked what looks like one of the little sea troots that were stocked. I also caught a 7 inch brownie and a nicer one that happened to do a long distance release on 
wee trootsie
A kingfisher also went zooming buy me at great speed so close if I had put my hand out it would have banged into it..

Walked back and checked a few folks permits, no one had them as usual.
I met two guys who were drinking beer under some trees. This is the second time I have met them and every time I see them they are sitting under the same trees, wearing chest waders with there rods all set up and drinking beer. Two nice guys, we talked about nature and different types of fishing and then I headed home for some fajitas and then off out to the cinema to see Fantastic Four. There was no fly fishing in it!!

Sport Fishing – Marlin Injures Teen Angler – See Video

Sport Fishing – Marlin Injures Teen Angler – See Video

WHEN FISH STRIKE BACK

;-)

Page 119 of 155« First...102030...117118119120121...130140150...Last »