Someone asked me to elaborate on the conversation I had with the farmer regarding the cows drooling on my car.
I am not a big fan of cows; I don’t trust anything which looks as if it could trample you to death. Sure, I am told they are docile but I don’t want to be that statistic that gets squashed. I suppose fishing and cows go hand in hand, eventually you are going to have to walk through a field with lots of cows and in the last year I have began to have an uneasy truce with them. I still let other people go into fields first though.
Anyway, I was sitting in my car at around 4 pm and watched the farmer herd his cows across a field towards a gate – the cows then go through the gate, cross a road and down a narrow lane (where my car is parked) next to his house to get to the cow sheds for milking. I decided just to wait in my car as I did not want to rush getting my waders on – in fact I was absolutely shattered and I couldn’t be bothered.
I watched the cows crossing the road and they did come very close to my car (I drive an Audi A3) occasionally they would stop and peer in my window at me quizzically and I would notice one having an experimental lick of the bonnet – I was a bit panicky in case one of them knocked a wing mirror off but they managed to keep their distance. There was a good few dozen of them so it took several minutes for them all to be herded past. It was actually quite interesting being so close to their big bovine faces without them or me scarpering fast – they have nice big eyes I noticed for the first time.
The farmer stopped on his little quad bike and gave me a wink and looked at me expectantly – I could tell he wanted to talk. I wondered if he was getting annoyed at me parking my car in his driveway, I rolled down the window.
– Hiya – I said
– Aye Aye – he said with a deadpan straight face - was meaning tae talk to ye aboot the coos!
– Oh, ah yes? – Not really understanding what he was going to say.
- Aye, their no going tae hurt yur car, although…- he paused for a moment obviously searching for the right words.
– Oh, ah yes? I said helping him along
– Sometimes they lick it! – he said looking into the distance (not really though as he appeared to be studying the hedge behind the car)
- It could do with a clean – I said with a smile, this did not go down well – he looked at me as if I did not grasp the seriousness of the situation.
- And sometimes they drool on it – he added to give me an overall picture of how the cows appreciated my nice black Audi.
- That’s all right – I said - no harm done, I just appreciate being able to park close to the river.
- I just didnae want ye tae think it was me and the wife……- he paused again – spitting on yer car!
- I er, um didn’t think it was you anyway…um – I was a bit confused at this.
- Aye, I’m glad we had this little chat – good luck with the fishing!
And that my friend’s is the story of my conversation with the farmer regarding cow drooling over my car.