So I am getting married on Saturday. Who would have thought the whole thing would come around so quick. My kilt is picked, my speech is partially written, the presents are flooding through (I am amazed at how generous people are) and I am leaving for Paris on Sunday. With a bit of luck there [...]

Kiwi bloke walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm. ‘Darling’, he says, ‘this is the pig I have sex with when you’ve got a headache’. Girlfriend lying on the bed says, ‘I think you’ll find that’s a sheep, not a pig’. The bloke says, ‘and I think you’ll find I wasn’t talking [...]